


The Great Steak Incident™ as told by Fundy

by justpressX



Series: Sneaky Bois Inc., the mafia au that no one asked for [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Author has failed tension and pacing AGAIN, Gen, M/M, Mafia AU, Techno's horses (Carl and Andrew) are cars, The Great Steak Incident™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28146930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justpressX/pseuds/justpressX
Summary: "He's gone and left his bloody sword behind!" When Wilbur got angry, he started sounding very British, which would have been very entertaining if not for the fact that he also became very scary. "He's unarmed, Phil!"He gestured wildly with one hand, maybe pointing at the bloodstained sword leaning quietly against the wall, or maybe pointing at his abandoned cup of tea that was slowly cooling to an unpleasantly lukewarm temperature."Wilbur, I know!" Phil shouted back, looking equally distressed. Well, this was going to be bad. Tommy and Eret had long since shut up, wearing twin expressions of 'oh shit this is going to go terribly', a sentiment that Fundy very much agreed with.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Floris | Fundy
Series: Sneaky Bois Inc., the mafia au that no one asked for [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078781
Comments: 7
Kudos: 144
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	The Great Steak Incident™ as told by Fundy

There was general chaos in the SBI Headquarters, lovingly called Our Home – yes, with the caps – by Philza, and the SBI HQ by the other, less sentimental members.

Two tables and one highly-breakable glass cabinet away, Eret and Tommy were fighting about who knows what; all Fundy knew was that there was something about Eret being a traitor, but he was inclined to think that was an exaggeration. Tommy hissed something that was probably a swear word as Eret rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. Next to Fundy, Phil and Wilbur were on the verge of screaming at each other, a half-packed suitcase in the latter's arms. 

Fundy, like the others, was not working. Not on what Eret had requested, at least. Instead, he was using his (company, and definitely-illegally-modified) laptop to research date locations, of all things. And shopping for rings, but that wasn't the point, was it?

The problem – and what a problem it was – was Dream. More specifically, the date Fundy had with him in say, two and a half hours. 

It had all started swimmingly – well, as swimmingly as anything involving Fundy ever was. In actuality, it had taken almost two months before he successfully asked Dream out. 

All that mattered was that Dream had said yes, though not before Fundy pestered him upwards of twenty times, most of which involved Treasure Planet in some manner. But Dream had agreed, so all was well! 

Then everything went wrong, _horribly_.

-

_  
"Well, when would this date be?" Dream asked, smiling shyly. Oh, Fundy didn't know either. Panicking, he said the first thing that came to mind._

_"I guess– Saturday?" he offered._

_"Sure!" It was Friday night._

–

And now, running on three solid hours of sleep, Fundy had a date to plan.

"You are _not_ going after Techno, I won't allow it." Phil said firmly, raising his voice. Well, that was rather distracting. Fundy looked up from his laptop to see Wilbur staring Phil down. Whatever, he might as well take a short break.

"He's gone and left his bloody sword behind!" When Wilbur got angry, he started sounding very British, which would have been very entertaining if not for the fact that he also became very scary. "He's unarmed, Phil!"

He gestured wildly with one hand, maybe pointing at the bloodstained sword leaning quietly against the wall, or maybe pointing at his abandoned cup of tea that was slowly cooling to an unpleasantly lukewarm temperature. A dagger fell out of his unzipped suitcase, hitting the floor with a thud. 

"Wilbur, I know!" Phil shouted back, looking equally distressed. Well, this was going to be bad. Tommy and Eret had long since shut up, wearing twin expressions of 'oh shit this is going to go terribly', a sentiment that Fundy very much agreed with. Faintly, he decided to screw the date planning; he could probably just bring Dream to the wreckage of what once was the SBI HQ when this was over. Call it a historical trip and all that.

Wilbur dropped his suitcase abruptly, striding across the room. In an instant, he had picked up the sword and turned around, pointing it quaveringly at Phil. "I'm going to go find him," he began, taking a few steps forward so the tip of Techno's sword was just in front of Phil. "And you're not going to stop me–"

Phil's phone started ringing, interrupting Wilbur, who nearly dropped the sword but caught himself in time and put it down with the care one might show the sword of a highly dangerous person who was also very attached to several things. In Techno's case, those would be his favourite car, Carl; his other car, Andrew; and his sword. On good days, the SBI – but mostly Phil and Wilbur – were also on the list, but leaving to assassinate someone and realising that you forgot your sword did _not_ make for a good day.

"'Sup guys," Techno's monotone voice came from the speakers. Phil waved at his phone, reaching over to connect it to some wires. Seconds later, a screen flickered on, showing Techno and– was that a steak in his hand? 

"Techno!" Wilbur dashed to Phil's side, twisting the phone to face him. "Your sword–" 

"Nah, it's fine; these nerds wouldn't beat me even if they had weapons," As he spoke, he flicked his hand over his shoulder, hitting a man who had been trying to sneak up on him with a piece of steak. The man stumbled, quickly helped up by a woman who was presumably his companion. 

The two of them exchanged baffled looks, similarly unarmed but a lot less confident than their attacker. Wilbur mirrored their expression, relief and confusion on his face.

"Oh, and Phil? I need Carl back. See you," Techno waved, ending the call. Wilbur let go of Phil's phone, sinking to the ground. He sprawled across the floor, laughing shakily.

"He's okay. He's okay," he repeated, mostly to himself. "He's gonna crush those idiots, don't worry," Phil unplugged his phone and left it on the table, sitting down beside Wilbur. 

Fundy shook his head with a smile, returning his attention to his laptop. Disaster averted. He'd have to thank Techno for his impeccable timing. Tommy sidled up to his side, Eret and his apparent betrayal forgotten. 

"Hey, Fundy!" He grinned. "Having trouble with your date? Need good old Tommy to help you?"

Eret appeared by his side, sunglasses propped on their head. "Hi, Fundy! Need some help?"

"Yeah, thanks," Fundy nodded hastily. As the two of them took a seat, he continued, "So, I kinda want to propose to Dream…"


End file.
